The Highs & Lows of Whoring
As a lot of escorts and companions will know, our profession is often beset by a tendency in the ‘cultural conversation’ to see taboo lifestyles through the lens of extremes. We are either portrayed as wonderfully glamorous, living a life of constant leisure, pleasure and ease, or as depressing drop outs, fending off the worst excesses of our various personality disorders and drug addictions just to get through the day and keep out of the digital dole queue.
I’ll be honest, the latter group do exist, ironically, in some small part because the stereotype of the former exists which itself is a form of candy-floss fantasy. Not because successful escorts and companions don’t exist, because they do - whether we judge that by seeing that they are able to earn high amounts per week, or they are able to sustain a comfortable living by seeing only a small group of clients per month without having to compromise their self-respect or safety, or a mix of both.
But such as they do exist, it’s not because they slipped effortlessly out of bed every morning in a Myla silk slip, and wonderful clients just gushed towards them like crisp leaves in an autumn breeze. Managing life as an escort can be difficult work, with pros and cons, highs and lows, just like any other lifestyle or trade.
With this in mind I thought I’d give a brief run down of my ‘highs and lows’ and ‘pros and cons’, the things I like about being an escort, and the things that always threaten to nudge me into irritation territory.
PRO, One on One — I love one on one company; I’m not much of a group-worker or an office-belle because I find managing the unspoken hierarchies and social games of groups a little stultifying. I like just being with one person, and really giving our time together my full attention. I use the word Escort on my website because thats what a lot of clients are use to and what the search engines respond to in the UK, but I prefer the more Americanised term ‘companion’ for this reason. Thats what these dates are usually about, companionship. Even if I am doing more tying up than talking, it’s still feels more apt.
CON, Unheard — I dislike how ‘unheard’ it can feel sometimes when you screen, largely because a lot of people contact escorts, dominatrixes and companions without doing even a bit of cursory reading of our websites. For example; I prefer texts to calls, for several boring reasons, but at least half of the buzzing to my phone (conservative estimate) are calls. And sometimes I’ll send a text response explaining I take bookings via text, and then the number will see that as an alert to give me a call back. It bewilders me as much as anything; when I look to book something, a dinner at a restaurant say, I think having diligently explained websites a real boon because I can get all the information I need to know about a place to see if its for me, before calling to book. I used to take calls, and occasionally I’d get some cold, dry voice start the conversation with a terse, “Give me information”, no hello, no niceties, like I was an Alexa or something. I learnt to say, “But I already have”, and hang up the phone.
PRO, Intimacy — I’m not a fan of personal relationships; occasionally I get asked by clients if it would be possible to actually date in real life (freebie alert, naughty!) but I always say the same thing; I don’t ‘date’, other than as an escort. I don’t do one night stands, situationships, boyfriends or potential hubbies, or any other form of non-platonic fluffing about, and haven’t for some time. This is a personal choice, and I won’t bore you with the ins and outs of why I made it. But the great thing about being a companion is I get to experience intimacy from within the clear confines of the escort-client relationship. A lot of clients want to feel intimate with someone; feel desired, explore their kinks, rebuild their confidence after a bad break up, or whatever it happens to be, but without the emotional complexity of a ‘real life’ lover, or the financial complexity of a marriage. And I’m on the same page.
CON, Stigma —I wrote about this in detail a few weeks ago, so I’ll keep this brief. There is still an awful lot of stigma surrounding sex workers, escorts, porn performers, erotic dancers. At worst, people feel we are moral delinquents who should all be criminalised, even mistreated. But there are also more subtle versions; people who take no conscious issue with escorts/sex workers, but may carry unconscious biases towards us, reactionary assumptions about who we are. That we are a bit stupid, feckless, unimaginative, uncultured, ill-disciplined, and so forth. I am more cautious about being open about this side of my professional life than I was when I began. I was a little naive, and assumed people would ‘take me as they find me’, but found after a time the stereotypes about sex workers were more impactful than I had bargained for. I really dislike inauthenticity, I believe there is a fine line between secrets and lies, but on the other hand, though sometimes the truth is a moral obligation, other times it is a gift. And not one that everyone deserves.
Quick PRO, Flexibility — I like that I have the freedom and flexibility to take dates any time of day or night, travel to different cities, change how I work or approach my life. Perhaps there are downsides in the form of choice ennui (guilty) but all things consider the freedom of flexibility is such a blessing.
Quick CON, Unpredictability — Flexibility’s evil twin, this is a very unpredictable industry and some escorts take that all very personally. Scant few, if any, escorts, will always be busy and it’s not always easy to predict when the good weeks/months will be and when the bad ones will be. Some escorts are great frugalists, they never spend more than what they need and so they are always well prepared for slow times, whilst others are living life like minor royal and panicking when the rent is late. I’ll confess, I’m somewhere in the middle of that continuum, so I’ll make improving on my frugality a new life goal…
